My Dad

Yesterday was Saturday and was really busy. I got in a bit late and missed the doctor that was doing the rounds (Dr. Royce? Something like that, I can't be sure from the way Monica pronounced it and I didn't think it really mattered anyway since this doctor wouldn't really know anything about Mom's case anyway), I guess she was in pretty early too. It was around 8:30am by the time I made it in and they were already done with breakfast and morning pills. Today was much the same story, I was late (later this time, I slept until a little after 8:00am so it was about quarter to nine before I got here) and missed her again. No big deal though, I guess, since even Monica likely doesn't have much to say to interest me anymore. I expect when Trisha gets here there'll be conversations I'm more interested in hearing, but most of what I needed to know I've already been told and it's not the sort of information that really solicits more questions for me.

Yesterday morning, though, was not good. Another one of the little incidents I don't want to tell Mom about because she really doesn't need to hear it. I got up in plenty of time yesterday morning but as I was eating breakfast at Dad's place he sort of seemed to be opening the door to discussion about the headstone question again.

Okay, I'll back up a bit, I think I left something important out here.

Mom wanted to share one with him and (I think I mentioned before that) I was going to ask him for her. I never quite found the right time -- is there a right time to ask your father if he wants to split the cost of a headstone with his estranged wife? Probably not -- but I called him last Wednesday and told him I was coming back to the Island for another visit and I'd probably be staying with him. I also told him that he should try to get in to visit her if he could get a chance. It turns out when he came in he told her that I'd said she wanted to see him. She took that to mean that I'd thought they should talk about the headstone thing themselves and not get me involved -- absolutely not true, but an understandable mistake -- so she told him what she wanted. I guess they talked about it and he said no, that he didn't know if he wanted to be buried in Grand River or if he wanted to be buried with Shirley (his current girlfriend) or what.

I found out about all of that on Thursday when I was talking to Mom first. She sounded upset about it and I said I might just mention it to him again once more when he'd had a bit of time to think about it and maybe he'd warm up to the idea a bit. So that's what happened yesterday, he seemed to be bringing it up. It was something like "has she told you about anything she wants to do" and a couple of other final arrangements and will and testament type stuff. I said no, not really, that we hadn't talked about that yet and he started talking about the pain we went through with my Uncle Herbie's estate, such as it was and how it was better to have it all taken care of before the end. So I thought this was him edging up to the headstone conversation again.

I told him that the only thing she'd told me is that she wanted to share a headstone with him and that was about it. I think he was waiting for me to mention it, but it definitely wasn't in the way I'd thought. He started in on a long, unfocused speech about how the bishop had written a letter and it had been published in the Summerside bulletin about how plots were being held for people who hadn't paid for them because other family members had said they wanted to be buried together and how people would have plots on PEI and then move away and get buried there and that the church was cracking down on things like that so they wouldn't run out of spaces to bury people ... I didn't hear it all, I tuned most of it out and only started paying attention again when he got around to "I told her no, I didn't want that." If you know me reasonably well you'll know I was on my best behaviour when all I did was say "Okay, that's fine, you've made your decision so we don't have anything else to talk about there. I was just telling you and I'm just warning you that you've probably got less than a month to change your mind if you want to." Then I left the house.

When I got in to the hospital Mom mentioned I'd missed the doctor and I apologized and said that I was talking to Dad and didn't make it in as early as I'd thought I would. She just said "that's okay" and then something like "it's nice that you two are getting along." Obviously I didn't correct her and it wasn't really a lie to not tell her that we'd been squabbling a bit again, but the truth is not much has changed between my dad and me. He starts to make a speech, I tune him out until I find a good route to escape then I throw up something as a distraction and bolt.

Anyway, in the past now.

There were a lot of visitors yesterday, Janet stopped by in the morning and then offered to come by again in the evening to sit with her if I wanted a break. I really feel bad about that, I feel like I should be here every second I can, but it's really difficult and I'm really grateful for her and for Gregory and Zita offering to keep her company while I step out for a bit. I still feel guilty about it, though.

Another alarm in the hospital, second one since I got back from lunch. The nurse said she thought they were running some tests but since I saw three fire trucks here at the first one with their lights on, I'm thinking it's not planned. Maybe the storm's causing some problems, though it's really not much of a storm. At least not yet.

I hung out with Brenda and Steve again that night and only got back to Dad's around 12:30am, so I slept right through my alarm. At least I think I did, I didn't hear it but maybe it didn't go off, I'm still figuring out the new phone and reading the manual seems to be beneath me for some reason. I'm usually pretty good about reading the instructions but I guess I'm just convinced I can figure out how to set the alarm on a cell phone without help. Anyway, when I did get up this morning he was already gone but he was back before I could get out of the house. I wasn't trying to avoid him but I also didn't really want to get into another fracas with him if I could avoid it, so I thought I'd sneak off and just leave him a note. Anyway, turns out he was in a reasonably good mood today and we chatted a little bit about Mom but mostly just small talk. When I left I told him I'd be at the hospital most of the day and he said he'd probably be by later.

Mom was seeming pretty tired this morning, but she said that she'd eaten half a slice of toast for breakfast, which is huge for her, so I'm thinking she was actually feeling a bit better this morning. Her and I talked for maybe half an hour and I was telling her about talking to Leonard when there he was at the door. The rain had lightened a bit but I guess Sharon's husband had given him a ride over. He stayed for close to an hour and most of the time he was nearly in tears. I knew from the conversation on Saturday night how broken up he was about the news. We talked in the hallway for a few minutes too and he just kept coming back to "are you sure there's nothing they can do? She doesn't seem that bad."

Anyway, Gregory and Zita showed up and while they were there I drove Leonard home and when I got back I wasn't there for more than fifteen minutes or so before Dad showed up. He stayed for quite a long time and we had a pretty good conversation this time. I know he's really upset about it too but sometimes ... well, you never know how he's going to react and how he's going to show how he feels, so I'm just glad everything went smooth and he didn't seem to upset Mom.

Gregory and Zita are here now, I'll add more later.